Losing Sucks.

As a disclaimer, this blog post is all over the place. Be advised. 

Losing sucks. 

Losing sucks. I hate it. I know that it doesn’t sound professional or “compassionate,” but I think learning to hate losing is a valuable mindset. 

I understand that there are lessons that losing teaches. And don’t get me wrong, I love those lessons. But two things can be true at the same time. The ways in which those lessons come, I despise. I am under the impression that I can learn how to be humble without losing; that I can be honorable without defeat. 

Is the newness of tournament pressures too much?

For the past couple of tournaments, we lost. Now I understand that there must be some level of grace. It was our first couple of tournaments ever. Nerves got the best of us. But I think we give too much credit to those nerves to the point where they’re the scapegoats and not the reason. 

Complacency, or giving too much credit to our competitors or letting the color of our belt predetermine the outcome; those kinds of reasons of loss, to me, is unacceptable. And this is where the controversy takes place; I desire this team to hate losing. Not to the point of self-defeat but to self-improvement. 

We lost. Now what? 

The students are leisurely reading Tim Grover’s Relentless. The book outlines three types of competitors: those who train to compete, those who train to win, and those who train to dominate. The last of those is a rare bunch because it’s not only about how they train and not only why they train, but when they train. The when, I believe, is more crucial than anything. You see, many people train after they “gather themselves,” letting the “dust settle.” However, Grover observed a very different outcome from those who trained to dominate. They didn’t gather themselves because they were always composed, or “gathered.” They didn’t let the dust settle because they wanted to remember what it felt like to lose. They trained right after their defeat. 

I remember my first couple of losses. I did well at the beginning of my Judo competition circuit, and then I just started losing. Tournament after tournament, I fell short. I gave all sorts of sorry excuses as to why I was unable to execute. This went on for years. Little to say, I had some growing to do, some maturing to go through. ( I’ll outline the maturing in a future post.)

There was a turning point, and it wasn’t random and it wasn’t a one-time epiphany ( though it did take a single decision to turn it around). The students hear me say this on a daily basis: “shave away at the imperfections. Right now.” 

That phrase was said to me when I was younger, when I was in a rut. You might be asking, “What is the connection between shaving away at imperfections and training to dominate?”

Here it is:

The point is not to dominate the opponent. It is to dominate my insecurities, my shortcomings, and my lack of ability in my mental, physical, and emotional capabilities. My imperfections stand in the way of my dominance. And I should start to shave at them right now. When I do this, the opponent is no problem to me. 

In the midst of all this, we must remember never to lose ourselves to the point where we have to gather. We must always stay composed, controlling our emotions and not letting those emotions dictate our identity (which is in Christ. That is for certain another blog post.)

Now, that’s just for judo. How do we go about this in other aspects of our lives?